My life is to make everything around me beautiful.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Real Models and Catalogs

*Remember to go to yesterday's post for a giveaway of some food storage shelves! Drawing is this afternoon.

My daughter and I buy a lot of our clothes and shoes from catalogs, thus we are put on a lot of mailing lists for clothes and shoes—not to mention household things also such as rugs, furniture, etc. AND even soy stuff, which I have no interest in whatsoever, having been a devoted Big Mac lover my whole life. (How in the world would we get put on healthy eating catalog lists from clothing catalogs?!?!) But I was thinking about that the other day as I was perusing a couple of new clothing catalogs I received in the mail that day and thought I'd share a few comments with you.

Now, this "happy camper" t-shirt is obviously worn by a model who has never had her hubby drag her off to the wilds of Idaho by a raging river with skunks, bears, teenagers with 4 wheelers and boom boxes, getting there entails driving by sheer rock cliffs that have warning signs stating "Danger, falling rocks" and there are some in the midde of the road we have to dodge to get to said "camp", hunters who "park" their horse and all that entails (p**p), parents who think their babies crying in the night doesn't bother us ol' folks at sireeeeeee!! Parents: yesssssss, it does bother us and we're pretty forgiving the after listening, smelling and trying to ignore all that noise. BUT "happy camper"???? Nuuuuu, not this chick. I go with Love Bunny to preserve this marriage.

Ultrafirm comfort? There ain't enough "firm" in this world to make a bra comfortable, let me tell ya. And eliminate bulges for a sleek look? There also ain't enough "sleek" to make this body not bulge.

Cools my hot flashes??? Puhleeeeeze. I'd have to stick ice blocks in there to keep this chick cool. Removable padded inserts??? Does a 56DD really need "inserts"? I don't THINK so! Moisture wicking for those workouts??? What workouts? Do you seriously think with 56DD someone would "work out"?! Those puppies would be slapping someone in the face constantly. Hardware free???? Gee, that's comforting to know that they haven't put a wrench or screwdriver in there. Yessireeee!

Now this little wrist purselet is something I could go for—especially in this sassy pink color. But how in the world would I get my lipstick, brush, 3 pairs of glasses, debit card, money, weight watcher weekly tracker, cell phone, Cold Stone Creamery and Subway punch cards, Costco membership card, aspirin tin, keys, camera and butterscotch candies in there??? I ask you!

My kind of camp! Indoors. Okay, okay, so I don't drink anymore. I can make exceptions if it's for medicinal purposes, right?! Don't tell my bishop about this and we'll be "best buds forever", sugar. Make it strawberry, please.......the medicine, I mean. *Wink*

Most magazines and catalogs have those models with long sleek legs (meaning emaciated) to model. This one turned out the local "talent" OR their employees for the photoshoot. I think I see a leg or two that could use some Nair or a razor also, which is the "normal" state of my legs. Sometimes it's so bad I have to clip before I can even shave! Now, while it is kinda nice to see "shapely" legs—it does give me hope here, it is also nice to see "normal" feet, which by that I mean "abnormal." The skinny models do NOT have normal feet to which I am an authority because I can "Photoshop" with the best of them, chicks, and trust me, they usually are, but these photos are NOT. They're "normal" feet, in other words, ugly just like the rest of us. The tattoo adds a touch, but I'll leave it at that.

So when did we get hangers with b**bs?! I swear I've never seen them before. For pete's sake, they'll sexualize anything anymore, won't they? *Sigh*..........

Some of the clothing in catalogs now says "organic", but what does that really mean? I believe it is something relating to or derived from living matter. So if a T-shirt or skirt or pants are cotton or linen or silk, isn't that organic? Works for me! So why do they have to say "organic T-shirts", hmmmmmm?

I think I'll go take a long soak to get "mental" again. Sheeeeeesh.........

Remember to go to yesterday's post for a giveaway of some food storage shelves!